Belonging

I’m in a food fight right now. It doesn’t like me and I don’t like it. Food used to be my friend. Food and I took each other for granted. What started out as a strong relationship changed into a struggle of wills. Nourishment on one side and me on the other leaning on old ideals of what I wanted and needed, ignoring what I could tolerate.

Food is a buffer and gives me perceived peace and conformity. I belong when I eat what others eat. I’m part of the web of life. Food covers my pain, blankets my tears and distress. Food helps me celebrate joys and successes. Food is a vehicle for feeling connected to the world.

I redefined my needs over 25 years ago now and welcomed a gluten and dairy free diet. I weathered the grief of my non-conformity faced the challenges, adjusted and grew stronger in my convictions.

My struggle is two-fold though. My digestive system is so sensitive, it reacts to emotional energy. If I’m upset, I have indigestion. If I’m feeling happy but pick up intense outside energy, I have indigestion. Acceptance is part of my process. I’m painting a picture of wholeness in my body, mind, soul and spirit through this struggle. Alignment is key.

Harvard Medical School provides information on the gut-brain connection:

“The gut-brain connection is no joke; it can link anxiety to stomach problems and vice versa. Have you ever had a "gut-wrenching" experience? Do certain situations make you "feel nauseous"? Have you ever felt "butterflies" in your stomach? We use these expressions for a reason. The gastrointestinal tract is sensitive to emotion. Anger, anxiety, sadness, elation — all of these feelings (and others) can trigger symptoms in the gut.”

As in every personal battle, I discern the situation, define what I need and learn to accept. I seek professional help to guide me through this mire. Every encounter teaches me more and I’m listening. Food is a vehicle for feeling connected to the world, feeling like I belong. My body, mind, soul and spirit step up to the table as I step closer to loving me more.

Science of mind prayer

There is an energy within each of us that is the creative power of spirit. It is the elemental energy within all life, within the warmth of the sun, within the eagerness of new flowers, within each atom of my body.

My life, in all its complexity, is simply an expression of the one energy. I recognize unity with myself and the oneness of life. I completely belong in the one.

Today I open my mind and my heart to see my whole self. I see health. I see meaningful relationships. I notice harmony and growth. Whether or not it comes in measurable form, I know I am supported and loved for I am one with the infinite universe.

I am grateful for all that I have. I am grateful for who I am. As I float in gratitude, my energetic frequency rises to attract that which I desire. Everything serves me for my highest good and the well-being of others.

I release this prayer to the creative energy of spirit. I shift into acceptance and I’m ready to receive life’s blessings.

Participants’ Reflections:

• What struck me for this reading was your gut reaction. I was thinking about our play, We Did It For You, and the gut-wrenching atrocities that were happening years ago before any rules and regulations were enacted and brought change. I think whenever I feel that gut reaction, it forces me to really take notice of what’s happening and to take action. I was thinking back on all the different times I had that kind of reaction, it forced me to make a decision. Pain is an incredible motivator.

• I can identify with so much of your reading because I had an eating disorder in high school. The gut can work in any kind of way. What I wrote down which I think is so important, especially as we go through this pandemic, we are not alone. I am grateful for all that I have and who I am. Fear is such a big thing. Finding healthy ways to deal with fear, finding ways to accept myself where I’m at and who I am today is a big part of my healing. These meditation groups, 12-step programs, all these resources are important to be able to self-actualize and take care. Thank you for this daily practice.

• I had an image as soon as we went into meditation of all of us standing around a circular platter with morsels of food that each of us brought, and each of us blessed the morsel before you ate it. It was such a happy time. I just give you the platter.

• I’m deeply touched. This is deeply personal to me as well. Back in the 70’s we used to make bread and pizza dough. I remember my mother saying there’s something wrong with the flour. It’s not acting like it used to. Then in the 90’s when I was diagnosed with all these food intolerances, it hit me that’s when agriculture changed in our country with the way food was grown. It’s interesting. What it brings to mind to me as someone who was abused and then became addicted, there was always one more thing wrong with me. Really, the only thing that my body was doing was responding to things that were wrong in the world. Our inner knowing is telling us I can’t eat this, it’s poison to me. I keep in mind that shift. It’s easier for me to feel guilty than it is for me to feel powerless. When I’m in groups of women, not only don’t I feel guilt and shame, I don’t have to feel powerless. Together we are powerful.

• This is not on the topic but I thought it was important. Our best friend’s mother recently suffered a heart attack, not a severe one. Afterwards she was told heartache she suffered ten years ago contributed to her illness. Triggering events cause built up resentments that trigger body dysfunction. It’s a know diagnosis and one I want to pay attention to.

• Your reading made me think about people who seem to be affected by moon cycles. It can be looked at as a blessing because they are close to the universe. It can also be looked at as a curse.

• Thank you for receiving the reading. I appreciate everyone’s presence and willingness to feel. We all feel together which creates a sense of safety.